orangeyglow: (Default)
[personal profile] orangeyglow
I am sitting in my room and around me are papers that I need to organize. There are bills and there are old papers and articles and just hella shit that I need to go ahead and go through. Having it in my room is definitely what I need to change this. I won't be able to run away from this.

Today i was in my room and I heard Dimples yelling in my door, Zakiya! You in there. What the fuck? See, this is why I haven't given Dimples a key. I was thinking about it so maybe I should say this is why I won't give her a key. What if I were in here with someone that I am dating and then you come in here while I am fucking or doing something. Or what if I just didn't want to answer the door which I didn't. I was basically sitting on the couch in the living room for a while as she knocked hoping that she would just go away because I had already told her that I needed some space.

She ended up texting me about wanting to leave some flowers because she did not want them to die. I feel bad but I just didn't want the flowers anywhere near my home. I know it sounded awful, but I am struggling with getting over my feelings for her. It is not that we are the perfect couple and I honestly think she has found the woman who is right for her. The issue is that when I'm around her I realize that I miss those things and I want those things in a relationship and I guess you could say that I am immature, but I can't really care that much because I know that I have been working towards not feeling that way and being there for her and even told her last week I was looking forward to meeting her girlfriend.

But I cant act like every time she has talked about her girlfriend lately that I didn't feel a numbing feeling. I am just not at a place where I am over it and I'm fucking sick and tired about feeling guilty about that. I should not feel guilty for still having love for a woman who I considered to be one of my best relationships as far as just how I felt, level of attraction. When she is here she is helping me get through this, we are laughing and just all of these beautiful things and there are days when I want to kiss her when I want her to hold me.

She has offered me massages but all I can think about is how I will get wet when I feel her hands on me. I am attracted to her and just because she is no longer attracted to me doesn't mean that my shit went away.

I don't know how to stop loving the women that I've dated and I'm tired of trying.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

orangeyglow: (Default)
orangeyglow

June 2016

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
192021222324 25
2627282930  

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 27th, 2017 08:31 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios